whysoseriousfandomcom-20200215-history
President Dmitri Yuriev
'''Sergei Kravinoff '''was born in Mother Russia to Spider-Man and that chippie Karl Marx. His pet rock was Darkseid, lord of the alien planet Apokolips, and they were one big happy Communist family. However, Spider-Man, the man of the house, sold Darkseid to the Justice League of America to be the pet rock that zombeh-dog Scooby Doo could torture until the end of time. This left Kravinoff distraught, so he defected to the Americans and attended Smallville University alongside Lex Luthor and Clark Kent. In adulthood, Kravinoff traveled to Africa and became a big game hunter because of an unexplainable disdain for Animal Man. Thinking furries count as animals, Kravinoff even tried to blast Beast Boy's head off with a shotgun. When he learned that Spider-Man became a superhero, he went back to America to destroy him under the alias of supervillain Kraven the Hunter. He failed several times, however, and was arrested, ensuring that he could never be as great as his ol' pal Luthor, who got arrested shortly afterwards because he hated Superman. He later joined Dr. Grant "Octopus" Morrison's Sinister Six. Basically, Kraven became one of Spider-Man's archrivals. Eventually, he won and killed himself. He came back after a while, though he stopped trying to kill his dad by that point. He became a brilliant scientist and made a machine that could transfer his mind into other bodies. Inhabiting another, uglier body, Kraven took the new name Dmitri Yuriev and became the President of the United States after Lex Luthor. However, he made a tax for not licking the ground and got thrown out of office by an angry mob led by Batman for such stupidity. With a new archenemy to call his, Yuriev, knowing of the urban terrorist's true identity, made clones of Bruce Wayne and Jason Todd, named Gaignun Wayne and "Killer" Jason Todd, Jr., before placing them in suspended animation that prevented aging. He also made a clone of Lex Luthor, called Alexander Luthor, Jr., whom he sent back in time to the 60's. It was so horrible that it drove Alex mad, so Yuriev retrieved him from the past and put him in a pocket universe alongside Superboy-Prime and Grandpa Superman. Alex would orchestrate the Infinite Crisis in the years to come and get his hair dyed white by the Joker, who also forced him to change his name to Albedo. Ex-President Yuriev then joined the Brotherhood of Evil to finish the job the failed to do before and kill Beast Boy. He got knocked out by a burrito thrown by Kid Flash at superhuman speeds and was sent to Arkham Asylum. He would later come back for revenge on Kid Flash, calling himself Dark Helmet, a member of the United Spaceballs, but he sadly failed and nearly perished in a gigantic explosion. Fortunately for us all, Yuriev would persevere, surviving over the centuries by inhabiting other bodies, such as that of Leland McCauley, wealthiest human industrialist who ever lived. In the 31st century, as a prank, Yuriev showed up at a political event and shot R.J. Brande, an alien industrialist in disguise as a human, with a Nerf dart gun, but Brande inexplicably keeled over and bit the dust, while Lightning Lad of the Legion of Super-Heroes hit Yuriev with a lightning-bolt and sent him back to Arkham. Farther in the future, Yuriev, in the body of a guy named Loser McGee, would release "Killer" Todd, Jr., and inhabit Gaignun Wayne's asshole, but "Killer" would team up with the ageless and indestructible Albedo to unleash the power of friendship on Gaignun, ignoring his pleading all the way. President Yuriev died quite horribly. Category:Things that make Bruce Wayne cry Category:Things that threaten Arkhampedians Category:Things that will cause Pencil Sharpening Category:Males Category:Doom Patrol villains Category:Teen Titans villains Category:Presidents Category:Villains who actually don't suck Category:Soviet Stuff Category:Those DENIED